Rihanna, You may be the 'Only Girl In The World' Who Thinks This be Cute

Ok Rihanna, can we chat? I get that after "Rated R"'s Hard-ness, you need to remind your fans (and yourself?) that you're not so serious and that at heart, you're a pop kinda gal.

I also get that last album wasn't the commercial juggernaut that "Good Girl Gone Bad" was and now you're trying to run with the cartoon candyland vibe on the one hit single, "Rude Boy".

But, girl, this song is a wreck! That TIRED tinny production sounded dated when I was dancing to it the first time around in college. And the chorus' heavy sharp synths just scream "Hey Snooki, next round of bottle service is on me!"

I'm sure this will play well in the H+M's, but I had higher pop music hopes for you, Ri Ri. It all seems a bit desperate and a huge step backwards in your trajectory. For all of it's commercial shortfalls, "Rated R" at least showed maturity and artistic growth. This just feels like a girl putting on a clown wig and a tutu singing to a bunch of balloons in the desert. And who wants to be that girl?!