"The boy I'm sleeping with is still obsessed with his ex, whom he feels sorry for cuz she's dealing with a bad case of scabies."
Meanwhile all I'm thinking is
a) Why you care?
b) Why you talkin' about her?
c) Don't you go f**k her and give me scabies you ass***e!"
---A tale of romance unfolds at a nearby table. I feel itchy just thinking about it.