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Monday, May 16, 2011

Time to Pick Your Top Model All Star!

They still wanna be on top

(The cast of Top Model All Stars Revealed)

And who can blame them? Fame like this is addictive. And while you're busy dating Jim Carrey or documenting your real modelling career in Asia, these ladies are back for another round of masochism with Tyra.

Let's do a rundown of the hopefuls getting their second chance at that coveted contract with Cover Girl

Cycle 1: Shannon

Otherwise known as the pretty religious one. Runner up to Adrianne Curry.

Chances: She better start praying.

Cycle 2: Camille

Delusional Camille thought herself a somebody, baby and told Tyra her walk would make her famous. Tyra told her to walk.

Chances: Post Top Model she hired a full time bodyguard for "protection". Maybe he can rough up the other girls?

Cycle 4: Brittany

Blow up doll look-a-like and Janice Dickinson look-a-like (same thing?) Brittany made up for her porn star looks with a great sense of humor. Like Jenny McCarthy, minus the career longevity.

Chances: She's not Singled Out for the win.

Cycle 5: Bre

Remember "Granola Bar-Gate"? Well don't let that silly drama eclipse the fact that this B can walk and they've brought her back to teach the girls. Will her strut be enough?

Chances: She's already "in" with Tyra (even working on the Tyra Show). Now she has to remain in the house. And, girl, leave the Red Bulls alone.

Cycle 5: Lisa

Umm... didn't she wear a diaper and false teeth and talk to plants? And then go to Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew?

Chances: Purely on the show for drama.

Cycle 9: Bianca

Anger management girl. Every show needs one (sadly, usually tied in with token angry black girl).  Since leaving Top Model has had public brawls with other d-listers. Sad, cuz she ok pretty. 

Chances: She has a fighting chance if she can hold her temper.   

Cycle 10: Dominique

Drag-a-licious I believe is what the judges said when she got the cut the first time. 

Chances: Never count out a man in a dress, honey!

Cycle 11: Isis

Isis never lived up to her potential in her season and let her nerves get the best of her. Has she become the goddess she's meant to be since her first go at Top Model

Chances: If you're so "fierce" that Tyra pulls you from the background of one season's photo shoot, you've got the Charisma, Uniqueness and Talent. Now bring the Nerve!

Cycle 11: Sheena

The funny thing about the dud of a season that was Cycle 11 is how my two faves on this list come from it. Sheena is a punk rocker indeed cuz she didn't give an F and just wanted to laugh and wear silly clothes ("It's Moschino"). Love her!

Chances: Sheena take, Sheena take a bow. Cuz everybody's rootin' for you, girl!

Cycle 12: Allison

My friend, Mr Dressy Jeans, loves her. I'm a fan of that big doe eyed doll look, but hopefully she's gotten a little more pep since we last saw her.

Chances: If she can deliver some more personality, then the eyes have it.

Cycle 13: Laura

From the Shortie season, Laura was the country hick with Big City ambitions. She came in second, but is she gunnin' for the gold this go?

Chances: I think baby girl's gonna come up short. Again.

Cycle 14: Angelea

This girl was craze. And I liked it. Although that bit where she recreated her entrance into da' club is still painful to watch during Oxygen Top Model marathons. Will she embarrass herself again?

Chances: Yes. She will. 

Cycle 15: Kayla

I had to look her up. No idea who she was. But this season was also one of the worst ever, Vogue Italia or not. 

Chances: If you're not memorable....

Cycle 16: Alexandria

Didn't we just get rid of this B? She's all weird mouth, oddly shaped skull. And Jade-like self-denial and cockiness. And if you're gonna do Jade-like, why not bring back the REAL thing?!

Chances: Jade! Jade! Jade!

So there you have it. I'm team Isis, Sheena and Bre. Who are you bettin on?

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I'm a fashion writer who writes for Bluefly, EDGE Media, VIRAL Fashion, etc. I use "It Can't All Be Dior" as a safe release for my love of coats, cats and cake. Phew!