THanks for the AD: Gisele Gives Good Face?

Johan Lindeberg, the mastermind behind BLK DNM, knows the value of a well placed Gisele is your ad. But usually designers rely on her face, hair or toned and tanned physique to sell their wares. 

I was first taken aback by the lack of visage or recognizable parts in this street ad

What a waste of money. You KNOW Gisele don't come cheap! And then you don't even put her face in it, you don't even let people know it's Gisele, outside her name?? What are you insane???


And then I remembered: jeans are all about fit particularly how they make the butt look. And nobody got a high and tight like Mrs. Bunchen-Brady 

Thanks, I'll take 6 pairs! 

So kudos to you, Mr. Lindeberg, you advertising genius. 

What's French for Ridiculous?

Hey rich people? Got a spare $750 lying around and a great love of tomatoes? Well, this Hermes leather tomato coin pouch up on luxury resale site, Portero, is the faboo piece you've been waiting for 

Or you could donate money to a food shelter... just sayin'... 

Marni for $44 at GILT Right Now

Marni is one of my favorite labels and right now GILT is showcasing this little sass-a-ma-tass leather and feather brooch

And at $44 you best believe I have me eyes set on you, my pretty. Imagine this high street Robin Hood flare on your lapel and you got one conversation started for all Summer gallery openings and weddings. Yeah, I'm that tacky guy who shows up to your wedding with an attention grabber.

(Marni leather, acrylic and feather brooch, $44 at Gilt.com)

Color Me Impressed! Lanvin for $50!

These colored pencils are about as close to paying retail for Lanvin as I'm gonna get, honey

And with witty sayings and fun, flirty and super on-trend colors, pencil me in!

(Lanvin colored pencils, $50 at Kirna Zabete, http://www.kirnazabete.com/colored-pencils-set)

Working for Scale

I don't know why but I really wanna waste my paycheck on this mid-century scale on eBay right now

Perchance it's the sleek and yellow? Whatever, the bid's only at $7.99 right now. Beat me to it! 

(Swedish vintage scale, $7.99 at Ebay, http://www.ebay.com/sch/20thcenturydesignfanatic/m.html?_nkw=&_armrs=1&_from=&_ipg=&_trksid=p3686)

Give Me Your Checkbook: Marni for H&M Heels More Expensive than Real Marni on Ebay

Today the latest brain scrambling designer colab-o hits the shelves and if it's anything like Missoni, Wu or Versace before, Marni's op prints and Scandinavian style clogs will sell out faster than an indie pop band with and Itunes commercial. 

But ladies, if saving $$ is the motive for your ravenous retail rager, might I suggest you take a breath and a peek at Ebay where straight up Marni is going for a lot less than the H+M versions and you can save a bruise or two 

The real deal Marni heels on ebay, $76

VS

Marni for H&M heels, $110

Do a little searching from the comfort of your desk and score without any of the "why did I push that lady down in the middle of a crowded store on a Thursday" guilt. 

Pretty Louis with an Epi Cherry on Top!

Boy, Louis Vuitton's really hittin' below the new year's resolution belt with double the temptation here. Luckily your resolve is strong. You will not open your wallet. You're saving. You will.....

Hey where'd you go?

Window at Louis Vuitton Soho, 116 Greene Street, corner of Greene and Prince

Whoever Designed This Hermes Scarf Must Have Been Really Tying One On

The past few days I've been copywriting up a rack of vintage Hermes scarves and I stumbled across a reoccurring trend: cuckoo head crazy motifs.


Let's examine my favorite this week, one called 'Early America'

(Why is it Martha Wash never gets any credit?!)

Now throughout FASHIONville, Hermes scarves are known as the creme de la creme but me thinks the milk has gone bad. However,  far be it for me to question how the wealthy spend they money, cuz there's whimsy and then there's

I really don't recall the Early Americans riding around on scaly Clifford the Big Red Dogs, but then I was more an Ancient Greece kinda guy. 

Caffeinated Bougie White Women on the Loose: Jimmy Choo Croc-Embossed Coffee Cup Sleeve

 

Are designer coffee cup sleeves a thing? I was totally out of the loop but then I might be the only white person in the world who actually makes their own coffee. 

Ugh, in times of recession the new depths of greed people sink to is particularly gross.

This $165 little monstrosity of humanity comes in both "Orange you glad you're wealthy" and "Perfect Princess Pink". Ick.

For Less than an Andrew Jackson

Look it ain't easy being into both clothes and cakes. A boy's gotta budget. And yes I know I've been a bit heavy on the aspiration fashions lately (sorry Thom Browne, even at sample sale you outta my league!), but looky here at this fun and frugal little sweater vest I done dug up

A sweater vest will always get my wardrobe possibilities panties in a bunch. Throw in some marching soldiers, multiple colors and contrast ribbing and I'm all "here's my lunch money".

(Vintage wool-blend sweater vest, size small, $16.95 at Beacon's Closet, http://www.beaconscloset.com/collections/new-arrivals/products/in-the-army-now)

GILTy Purchase: Scary Rich!

GILT has a whole Halloween series of goodies to buy up and while this little skull candle set needs to be added to the everyday gothic library that is Stately Grand Street Manor

(Gift set of five 2 1/4 inch wax skull candles, D.L. & Co., $28 at Gilt.com)

this Rococo dressing table gives my wallet the heebie-jeebies

(French provincial style mahogany dressing table, Fabulous and Baroque, $1,350 + $175 delivery fee at Gilt.com)

$1,350 for a Repo Roco?! That's like that time Michael Jackson blew a televised wad on "high end" Pier 1 Imports. Spooky!

Book Club: Poor Little Rich Girl

When I was first reading that Oleg Casinni memoir a spell back, I realized I need to get to know better this Woolworth heiress, Barbara Hutton, he casually mentions throughout

Heiress to the 5 and dime fortune (worth $2 billion in today's money. Paris Hilton she is not!), she was dubbed "poor little rich girl" by the gossip columns because despite all her money (or perhpas because?), she suffered with depression and a series of failed marriages to a whole deck's worth of princes and knaves more interested in her pocketbook than her heart

And like all good mid-century divas, she married frequently making sure to throw a fagela in the mix for flava

And a Hollywood star

(Before there was Ben-nifer, the press sharply labelled these two "Cash and Cary")

And then spent her twilight years with young men folk. (Oh Barbara! What would the lunch counter say!)

Barbara ended up giving away so much of her vast fortune that when she died $3,500 was all that was reportedly left in her account. That bitch knew how to live! 

("What?! Can't take it with you.")

Or at least I think that's how her life petered out according to Wikipedia. I never got to finish this out of print book because on a recent drinking marathon with Miss JB, I have a cloudy, cloudy recollection of a tirade on illiteracy. During said tirade I was slamming this book in my palm because nothing proves your point like a trashy biography. 

I've never seen that book since. 

If found please return to It Can't All Be Dior headquarters. You ll know it cuz it's bright yellow and the San Giuseppe festival is going on right outside my door. 

Thanks!

For Real? Estate

Do you ever have that conversation, as a New Yorker, with your momma or friends back home, where you've hit, you know, a "certain age" where renting in the non-New York real world is considered a little young? But then you try to explain to people who are now renting out their "starter homes" that New York rents are a tad bit higher than most people's mortgage (luxury apartments on the water rent for $1,000 in Baltimore!)

Well rest assured. I thought I'd do us all a service and start laying out some of the ludicrous listings we face.

Let's start with this "West Village Cottage" at 5 Grove Court, a respite tucked away between Hudson and Bedford Street and immersed in rustic details usually saved for coming of age novels based in New England

Oh look at that, sure enough, according to Corcoran  this little red brick beauty from 1842 "was the setting for O. Henry's story 'The Last Leaf' " 

And just look at these details:

• Mature specimen trees (Eww, is that like creepy old man trees preying on saplings?)

• Shutters, window boxes, flower beds (Soil and shutters? Oh you fancy, huh?)

• Handsome working kitchen (God, Gene, next they'll want running water. Needy, needy.)

(I guess it's "handsome". More like "I've seen you with worse.")

• Lush gardens of ivy and 3 fireplaces (I ain't gonna lie: that be real nice.)

(Typical New York: the bed take up 3/4 the room.)

A literature inspiring private oasis in the heart of one of the most covetable neighborhoods in the city? Oh, this oughta be good




PRICE: $4,250,000


Annual Taxes: $12,194




But you can boast to your friends in the bread line that it was featured in Architectural Digest.





Got 4 Mil sittin' around: http://corcoran.com/property/listing.aspx?Region=NYC&ListingID=2209580

Krikey! Is the Kardashion Kollection Kidding with These Krazy Prices?

(When did Jenny McCarthey's fat brunette sister join the fold?)

If these are the Horsemen, do we have to term it the "ApoKalypse"? 

Seriously, I'm not sure how these broads got a collection at Sears, but it definitely doesn't represent the "softer side" that's for sure. And thanks to my sister for the tip-off that it also ain't so cheap (in price that is).

Let's take a look at some of the offerings from the line, shall we?  I got a feeling we're about to encounter a bunch of questionable materials and leopard print. 

1. "Silky" Jersey Wrap Top Jumper $99

Hothca! Right out the gate! Honestly, there's so many things wrong with this, I can't figure out where to begin. First off, unless I'm really missing something I think you meant Jumpsuit. Second "silky" ain't the same as "silk", darlins. Don't you forget it!

2. Striped One Shoulder Knit Dress, $99 

Who styled this photoshoot? Peter Pan's slutty sister? Or Wendy? I never did trust a girl flyin' around in public in a nightie. But if that's your kinda thing, this $100 exit ramp as a dress will fit right into your wardrobe.

3.The "Washington DC" Shoe in black

Jesus, Mary and Joseph, why in Hell is this named after D.C.? In what alternative universe is this a conservative senator's wife style shoe? Leave our nation's capital alone. they've got enough problems right now!

4. Floral Mesh Corset, $55 and Floral Mesh Brief, $25

For when you and your teenage daughter want to re-enact your youth of pretending to be Tawny Kitaen in a Whitesnake video. I don't wanna even ask why there is an "intimates" section. Ick. 

5. Chain Necklace w/Stone Pendant and Chain Tassel, $24

And now we enter the "just plain dull" phase of operations. 

That's just a smattering from the full line which includes sunglasses, belts, bags and more, but it doesn't get any better.

Yet, I can put aside the snark for a second (I swear it's been known to happen!) and just make this assessment: these prices are a bit high for Sears and the target audience of 14 year girls with a sex tape (ok, maybe I can't...) and moms you BEST NOT PASS THE $$$ OVER TO THEM to buy this crud.

If you Klick this link, you don't like Khildren or Kittens: http://www.sears.com/shc/s/dap_10153_12605_DAP_kardashiankollection

The Non-Label Whore Pieces from the Target / Missoni Colab

When Missoni's Target line was announced, I jumped. But now that I'm seeing it in the flesh, I'm reminded that Missoni is one of those labels that you can see a mile away. The signature wavy knits are easily spotable. So a cheaper version is gonna be even easier to spy. Either way you land on this debate, be prepared to see the clothes everywhere!

But beyond the "Dedicated Follower of FASHION!" clothing, there are some fun pieces one can introduce into their life. 

1. Socks

I love a groovy sock and showing a slip of Missoni is the casual way to wear your favorite designer. 

2. This Tam

Again, subtle. I truly believe these are the only two pieces in the whole line that can be worn without fashion victim-hood. 

3. Blanket

For your fashion obsessed niece going to F.I.T. The Missoni print is cute and all, but me thinks this probably not cashmere. 

4. Wine gift box

Most unnecessary thing ever. Perfect for those bougie friends you have that are having a housewarming in Gramercy or Hells Kitchen. 

5. Stationary

THIS is the way to do it. See the key to diffusion lines, colabs and downstream steps like this is to make as minute a difference between the new project and the main line. 

I Hope Winnie the Pooh's Got a Black Card

Just when you thought honey couldn't get more luxe, here comes LVMH with their own nectar couture

Two years ago, Louis Vuitton installed a couple of beehives on its Parisian rooftop to test out urban bee keeping. Now the "fruits" of the bees' labor is being jarred and distributed to a lucky few fashion folks still dabbling in carbs.

Jealousy!


And to celebrate, select Louis Vuitton stores (like the 57th street store in New York) will feature bags strewn from liquid gold stands reminiscent of oozy honey flocked with bees

(*All photos courtesy of Louis Vuitton)