What's French for Ridiculous?

Hey rich people? Got a spare $750 lying around and a great love of tomatoes? Well, this Hermes leather tomato coin pouch up on luxury resale site, Portero, is the faboo piece you've been waiting for 

Or you could donate money to a food shelter... just sayin'... 

Finally!

Kerry Washington lands a huge fashion mag cover 

(Kerry Washington causing a Scandal in Marc Jacobs on the cover, June 2013 ELLE) 

A HUGE hit show, a role in an Oscar winning movie and the latest Tyler Perry cash machine, a great sense of style and charisma for weeks... there's no reason Kerry Washington shouldn't be all over the place right now. 


Oh except that whole whitewash of fashion thing. Right. 

Serving Up Dior and Depeche Mode Opulence

In Versailles. Does it get gayer?

Oh yes it does....





And I'm lovin' every minute of it!

Picture Graf: Inside Coke Joke

Behind these doors on Lafaytte Street is a well known 'speak easy' for the rich and think they're famous. There's always some graffiti coating the entrance for the sweet and elite, but this one is particularly rich with irony. 

Caffeinated Bougie White Women on the Loose: Jimmy Choo Croc-Embossed Coffee Cup Sleeve

 

Are designer coffee cup sleeves a thing? I was totally out of the loop but then I might be the only white person in the world who actually makes their own coffee. 

Ugh, in times of recession the new depths of greed people sink to is particularly gross.

This $165 little monstrosity of humanity comes in both "Orange you glad you're wealthy" and "Perfect Princess Pink". Ick.

Keep Your EPI Kit Handy, Duchess

(Honey, be careful where you put that stinger)

The Royals: they're just like us! Rubbing bee venom on they face to simulate that just stung feel so it swells and plumps up those saggy jowls.








Venom slinger to the stars, Deborah Mitchell claims "it tricks the skin’s surface into thinking it has been stung, increasing its blood flow, collagen and elasticity" and that's what keeps clients like Victoria Beckham, Michelle Pfeiffer and Those Incredible Minogue Sisters buzzing for more of her "bee sting facial"

Dannii Minogue (with Deb Mitchell) shows off her bee-stung lips... and cheeks and neck and....

And now, according to the UK Daily Mail Kate Middleton is getting sweet on the idea thanks to a direct referral from fellow client, Camilla Parker Bowles

(I kinda just love this picture of this B! Ha!)

Hmm... remember when DuWop was all the rage for that faked Lisa Rinna look? I'm pretty sure that was the results of bee venom too. perhaps it isn't all the cell phones that are killing off the bees: it's Lindsay Lohan and the Queen of England!!

Vogue Italia Takes the Morning Train

Oh Vogue Italia and your blatant bourgeois love affair with the novel world of the working poor. Only you could have taken Fall fashion inspiration from the filthy, broken down and horribly over-crowded A train

Yes, Brazilian model Raquel Zimmermann looks fantastically out of her mind in white fur and a sea of male models posed as the great unwashed

( In my six years living here I have never seen one of those metal hook/strap thingies outside of fashion editorials)

But this is not sportsman-like subway riding, darlin'

And finally I gotta say I'm relieved that for once they didn't pose the model of obviously Germanic heritage against the local people of color banging on drums (in this case the portfolio of subway musicians that liven up your daily schlep to work). 

(All photos shot by Steven Meisel courtesy of Vogue.it)

It Was the Best (Dressed) of Times...

It's that age old question of any partnership: how to pair well without sacrificing your individuality. In a recent Barney's e-commerce opener, a series of cheeky ads play on that concern while high-lighting pieces from their contemporary designers

There's stand alone info on looks for every life event

And as a couple

Followed by a handy legend of all the key items for Fall for man and woman both

What a brilliant Tale, indeed! 

Book Club: Poor Little Rich Girl

When I was first reading that Oleg Casinni memoir a spell back, I realized I need to get to know better this Woolworth heiress, Barbara Hutton, he casually mentions throughout

Heiress to the 5 and dime fortune (worth $2 billion in today's money. Paris Hilton she is not!), she was dubbed "poor little rich girl" by the gossip columns because despite all her money (or perhpas because?), she suffered with depression and a series of failed marriages to a whole deck's worth of princes and knaves more interested in her pocketbook than her heart

And like all good mid-century divas, she married frequently making sure to throw a fagela in the mix for flava

And a Hollywood star

(Before there was Ben-nifer, the press sharply labelled these two "Cash and Cary")

And then spent her twilight years with young men folk. (Oh Barbara! What would the lunch counter say!)

Barbara ended up giving away so much of her vast fortune that when she died $3,500 was all that was reportedly left in her account. That bitch knew how to live! 

("What?! Can't take it with you.")

Or at least I think that's how her life petered out according to Wikipedia. I never got to finish this out of print book because on a recent drinking marathon with Miss JB, I have a cloudy, cloudy recollection of a tirade on illiteracy. During said tirade I was slamming this book in my palm because nothing proves your point like a trashy biography. 

I've never seen that book since. 

If found please return to It Can't All Be Dior headquarters. You ll know it cuz it's bright yellow and the San Giuseppe festival is going on right outside my door. 

Thanks!

But Will I Have Time to Go Home and Change First?

 

White women was born ready! To shop that is!

(They're already getting pulled in. Helpless black guy, you better step aside)

Bring it on, C Wonder! You've met your match!

The Non-Label Whore Pieces from the Target / Missoni Colab

When Missoni's Target line was announced, I jumped. But now that I'm seeing it in the flesh, I'm reminded that Missoni is one of those labels that you can see a mile away. The signature wavy knits are easily spotable. So a cheaper version is gonna be even easier to spy. Either way you land on this debate, be prepared to see the clothes everywhere!

But beyond the "Dedicated Follower of FASHION!" clothing, there are some fun pieces one can introduce into their life. 

1. Socks

I love a groovy sock and showing a slip of Missoni is the casual way to wear your favorite designer. 

2. This Tam

Again, subtle. I truly believe these are the only two pieces in the whole line that can be worn without fashion victim-hood. 

3. Blanket

For your fashion obsessed niece going to F.I.T. The Missoni print is cute and all, but me thinks this probably not cashmere. 

4. Wine gift box

Most unnecessary thing ever. Perfect for those bougie friends you have that are having a housewarming in Gramercy or Hells Kitchen. 

5. Stationary

THIS is the way to do it. See the key to diffusion lines, colabs and downstream steps like this is to make as minute a difference between the new project and the main line. 

Book Club Contender?

Confession: I've never read no "Pride and Prejudice" casting it off into the 'girl's stuff' pile along side "Wuthering Heights" 


I remember in 2009 when the parody "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies" came out in the peak of zombie mania (although maybe we're still in it!) and I waffled

Zombies? yes please! But there's still that whiny white girl desperate to be married and I get enough of that daily, thanks. Don't need it in my book escapes.

This week's Entertainment Weekly however has an article on the YouTube promos for the book and its prequel that may have pushed me into must read territory






I mean go on Bennet bitches! Murder! Death! Kill! Hopefully Mr. Darcy gets it good for toying with Elizabeth's feelings.

Oh jeez....

Bougie White Women Love Kieselstein-Cord

Until I worked clothing retail on the Upper East Side I had a skewed vision of fashion. As a stylist and fashion editor (and in my personal life) I thought clothing and accessories were supposed to be a representation of ones personal style and a chance to celebrate each day with what Little Edie would call the appropriate costume.

Egg on my face! Turns out "fashion" for a certain set is all a race for the right label, exclusivity and elitism. It's high school all over again, baby.

Case in point: these sterling silver novelty belt buckles from Kieselstein-Cord in preposterous shapes. I had never heard of them but they are the pricey ne plus ultra for the UES married well crowd and a hushed about fashion "in".  

But then who wouldn't want to strap themselves into their silk/linen blend pants with a panda chomping bamboo

Or cinch those white jeans with this classy poodle pissin' buckle

Or give "Wally the Walrus" a whirl for that wasp waist

Now funny little animals winking up in a cheeky manner is something I can really get behind, but bougie white women collect these like children at the lunchroom with they Pokemon

"I just got a new elephant belt buckle and ooh, look you have a cute little silver square. How quaint."

And, honey, when the own website won't quote you a price, you know they ain't goin' cheap.

(If so inclined, all available at http://www.kieselstein-cord.com/)

Time to Wash Your Woolies

(While filthy, maybe he shouldn't wash by hand)

Ok it's Spring (sorta...) and time to put your wools and cashmeres away, but eww.... those sweaters are a bit crudded up with remnants of Old Man Winter. Whatta ya do? Who wants to pay to dry clean all those? Ching-ching.

Answer: wash that thing yourself! Who knew you could wash cashmere sweaters? Well the gals behind The Laundress did

Two Cornell University educated women (both got degrees in "Fiber Science and Apparel Management". How about them credentials!) frustrated with high dry cleaning bills and ruined treasured clothes, they took matter into their own hands and created eco-friendly laundry line, The Laundress in 2004

It has since  developed into a whole line of sweater shampoos and après laundry cream for your hands. In fact the line has grown into a whole lifestyle brand with beauty and home and gift items. Go ahead girls!

This is a great example of entrepreneurship but my bougie bell is ringing full blast. I'ma stick to good old fashioned Woolite

(Yes girl, get that industrial bucket! I got a closet full of sweaters to wash)

Below is a helpful video from The Laundress(es) on how to fight grime the old fashioned way with elbow grease and a wash bucket. Plus my secret weapon of cheapness masquerading as "environmental", a drying rack (outside of blankets too big for my Chinatown apartment, I air dry everything, a frugal tip passed down from my momma)






This actually looks fun to the nerdy DIY side of me and perfect for a rainy day activity. Now if only we had some rainy days....

For eco-friendly cleaning and home products: http://www.thelaundress.com/