And Now for a Toast

Even though Winter still has New York tight in it's grip, wedding season is coming mighty quick. Soon invites will be in your mailbox for dates you've already saved and speeches will need to be given to friends grown up. 

Now I personally favor a roast like toast with a wink at the trove of embarrassing tales I've not yet forgotten, but if you're the shy soon to be best man type, or perhaps, "respectful", this book gives comprehensive tips on how to talk your pal up in front of his wife and crew

This book's PC suggestions secure your invite to the second and third marriages. Plus learn handy tips on toasting co-workers at employee of the month ceremonies and college buddies on their honorary titles from your Alma Mater

Although who toasts an un-successful political candidate, when a simple "you F-ed up" will do?

(Toasts and Tributes leather bound and embossed book, Brooks Brothers, $28 at Mr. Porter,  http://www.mrporter.com/product/302100)

Doin' It: Come Uptown for Some A.E.R.

Free tonite? Might I suggest you attend the 3rd annual "Walk With Style" event at the Hudson Terrace hosted by models Lisalla Montenegro and Julie Henderson and New York footballers Michael Clayton and Damien Woody

(Lisalla on the cover of Elle Mexico, August 2010)

Benefiting the lung cancer support and awareness group CancerCare, the evening will be a mix of schmoozing, nibbling on little bites, drinking (hello open bar!), dancing to DJ Mad Linx and a fashion show featuring contemporary designer Ali Ro and menswear from Hyden Yoo

(a sample of previous Hyden Yoo looks)

(Rihanna's an Ali Ro fan)

In addition there will be a silent auction and raffle for prizes from sponsors like Tom Ford, Moet & Chandon, Brooks Brothers, Le Creuset and more. Umm, free Tom Ford and champagne? I'm in!



My friend Miss J.C.L., a makeup artist for close to 15 years, is part of the beauty team under celebrity makeup artist Victoria Stiles along with Suzanne Patterson, Emmy Award winner and founder of cosmetic line "Paint and Powder".


The whole evening promises to be an exciting nite full of fun and fashion for a good cause. Convince me that you can beat that invitation!




For more info on the event: http://www.aerevent.com/

For more info on CancerCare: http://www.cancercare.org/

Cintra Wilson Finished Being Critical?

"This will be my last dispatch as your Critical Shopper. This column has been a singular joy and privilege to write, and I will miss your readership. Whenever you find the mate to your perfect bondage-boot hidden under one of the couches at Barneys on sale day, I will be with you in spirit"

And just like that my favorite bitter pill of a professional shopper, Cintra Wilson, signs off at The New York Times?

And with a review of the United Nude store on Bond Street? Really? I mean an architectural shoe line is nice and very Cintra ( a self-professed shoe maniac) but a bit of a weak fade out if you ask me.

Come back and be mean to the rest of the Manhattan Mall!

Afterall, Roundabout hasn't even been reviewed yet!

Last (?) Critical Shopper: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/03/31/fashion/31CRITIC.html?_r=1&ref=fashion

Women's Lib Moment of the Day: Sharon Tate in The Wrecking Crew

"I haven't seen your face, dear, but your legs will do"

Cacharel No Longer Feeling Amor Amor for Cédric Charlier

VS.

Cacharel announced that it's bidding creative director, Cédric Charlier, adieu in October. 




Signed in April of 2009 after assisting Alber Elbaz at Lanvin for six years, the Belgian designer has been responsible with getting Cacharel back in the fashion game by returning to Paris fashion week, relaunching women's ready to wear, renewing editorial interest and pushing the brand past its 70's heyday nostalgia

Some Spring 2011 looks 

(I kinda want these acid print shorts)

No word on who will replace Charlier or his next move, although Esprit is down right itchin' for a makeover, my friend. 

Reoccurring Lust: Mrs. Meyer's Secret Scents

(Where the H can I find the rhubarb?!)

Last nite I played one of my favorite games: let's troll the internet for new Mrs. Meyer's flavors they've leaked without fanfare (yeah I'm one of those guys who gets his kicks scouring household cleaning products online late at nite. Don't judge me.)


This brand notoriously introduces limited edition scents for each season to test them out and see if there's an audience. Basil became such a hit it's part of the regular lineup now and I've seen a whole lot more of Honeysuckle recently

Well in the wee hours (Ok, 11:30pm. I told you not to judge me!) I struck gold and unearthed these two new scents:

Cranberry

Snickerdoodle


















How did I not know of these? I gotta get that B, Mrs. Meyer, on Google alerts!

So far I've found only the candles, but is the whole Clean Day line available cuz that counter spray kicks ass! And who doesn't want a looming scent of nutmeg and cinnamon brown sugar after wiping up the daily coffee tarnishes? That's the kinda sweet, intoxicating smell that makes children want to drink poison.




Sidebar: I 100% question the validity of the lady's claims to be all natural since I've seen it strip crud off that mean old toxic 409 couldn't get, but... details, details.

(Cranberry and Snickerdoodle scented soy candles, Mrs. Meyer's Clean Day, $6.99 on Ebay, www.ebay.com)

Hey Wells Fargo, Can I get Fries with my Deposit?

In the ever changing landscape of banks post Great Recession,Wachovia has become Wells Fargo but the real question is who's their interior designer? Mayor McCheese?

Sorry buddy, don't think there's a dollar menu here and you definitely can't have it your way

(That logo even looks like it should talk about wrasslin' up a stagecoach of Fargo fries)

And then my mind wanders into money semantics like would Hamburglar qualify for a loan? Is Birdie planning for all those McNugget Buddies futures with a diversified portfolio? What kind of interest rate would Grimace get? He don't look like he very good with his money

Mmm-hmm, too busy hanging out with that no good crew of yours working that same dead-end job all these years. You need to getcha money right.

DON'T: Take Your Love of a Hat Too Far

Look I know I just raved about bowler hats and all, but if you're thinking of gluing a hat to your head, DON'T!

GILTy Purchase: Seperated at Birth?

 

Dolce and Gabbana "Structured Wedge" (hmm... really?)

The Rabbit wine opener

Cuz who doesn't want a shoe resembling a corkscrew?

(Satin structured wedge, Dolce and Gabbana, $299 at www.gilt.com)

(The Rabbit bottle opener, Metrokane, $50 at www.rabbitandfriends.com)

Bowler League

Just the other day (before my abscess drama, so it feels like a lifetime ago) I was telling a hat-friendly co-worker how he should invest in a bowler

(Wool felt classic men's bowler, San Diego Hat Co., $35 at www.qvc.com)

I've always loved the shape and it feels so classic and sophisticated. The hat has also become iconically linked to one of my favorite artist, Belgian surrealist René Magritte

(the artist in a bowler with his Son of Man, bowler also on top)

We've already seen this trend on the runways

(Antonio Azzuolo Spring 2011)

(Ralph Lauren Spring 2011)

(Kenzo Fall 2011)

And now I wanna get Lucifer in on the bowler action too, although I don't think he's as hat friendly as the fluff-n-nutter in these photos

(Handmade acrylic pet bowler hat, Mel P Designs, $20 at www.etsy.com)

But my co-worker wasn't sure a bowler hat was right for him. Understood, my large noggin' is what's kept me away from it and any hat unfortunately. But we could don these socks from Corgi with nary a worry and nab a little of that bowler magic

And I've acquired quite an extensive sock collection already, so why not. Plus I'm diggin' the red and turquoise contrast. Color blocking and a wink of Magritte? Add it to the bottom dresser drawer, baby!

(Corgi cotton blend socks with bowler hat motif, $28, exclusively at Mr Porter, www.mrporter.com)

Not convinced? How about some gleeful dancing in a bowler. Take it away Mr Yorke!

Them some Boney Bitches in the new Express Commercial

Everytime this Express Spring 2011 commercial  comes on I whip my hair and go "I can't believe an Express commercial is featuring Boney M.!"


Well turns out it's some big in Ibiza song by American-Canadian band Duck Sauce that majorly samples Boney M.'s 1979 single "Gotta Go Home"








Now I don't know who the "H" Duck Sauce be, but Boney M., honey, I know from my days at the Alexis Bittar plastic jewelry factory where every late 70's through early 90's gay E chant along pumped loudly into your subconscious.


Boney M. was one of those German Machiavellian produced bands made up of 4 Jamaicans getting their big break

Somehow they linked together a slew of hits in the go-go disco 70's including the most amazing jam on the Alexis Bittar playlist, "Rasputin"









Featuring such indelible lyrics like "Ra Ra Rasputin/ Russia's greatest love machine/ It was a shame how he carried on" this song is the ideal commercial background to promote the next interpretation of Kira Plastinina that hits the states. You heard it here first!


So faithful readers, I'ma go out on a limb here and say Boney M = the way of the future. Might I suggest we investigate the whole of Boney M's back catalog now and then we can perk up our ears and giggle to ourselves when the latest Mazda's ad bangs it out "Ma Baker" style.

Enforced Bed Rest Movie: The Adventures of Hercules

Ok laid up for almost a week plied full of Percocet, you don't really get too picky about what's on the t.v, aka your constant companion. Exhibit A: "The Adventures of Hercules" a 1985 Italian mess starring our favorite great Hulkster, Lou Ferrigno. Obviously muscles was the only prerequisite, although I guess Lou does his best with what he's given

And boy is it quite a present! These special effects obsessed Italians are three years late to the "Tron" game (Hell, some of these graphics look straight up "Xanadu"!) but you know how Europeans are always about a decade behind our pop culture anyway

("Suspend me in time....")

The whole movie is Hercules and two random eye candy gals running around capturing the 7 lightning bolts of Zeus that the other vengeful Gods hid on Earth

(Mount Olympus. Duh. Ring of Gods plotting. Double duh.)

(Ooh, ooh Legends of the Hidden Temple! I get to be the Blue Barracudas!)

(See woman? You shoulda let me be the Blue Barracudas, dammit!)

Some sub-plot involving this cod piece wearing demon with some crown wearing villain fresh out of "Darby O'Gill and the Little People"

And my FAVORITE scene of the whole movie is this end fight where Hercules Atari transforms into King Kong to fight this neon T-Rex (Hello, neon T-Rex? Netflix this NOW!)

Here's a pretty magnificent edit of the whole film in 20 minutes (minus the ending). Normally I'd say these two Youtube videos are about all you need but this film actually made me laugh so hard I forgot my ails and worries.

Then again, I was heavily medicated....

Liz's Legacy

A Hollywood icon has passed. Elizabeth Taylor, famous violet eyed actress, wife, jewelry collector and AIDS activist died today at age 79. I've professed my love of La Liz many times before, so I will just focus on her legacy here.

A child actress that successfully translated to adult sensation, Liz had a strong career of scenery chomping dramas (Oscar winners "Butterfield 8" and "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?") to the most expensive movie of her time which she had major diva control over ("Cleopatra") to my favorite performance as sexually frustrated beard, Maggie, just ichin' for a scrap in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof". Her legacy in acting for me has been introducing me to my love affair of the great raven haired beauty.

Her friendship with playwright Tennessee Williams and other prominent homosexuals cemented her commitment to our community and her AmFar activism is unrivaled. This I believe to be her true legacy. She was at the forefront of activism and never missed a chance to remind her public that people are still dying everyday of AIDS. Even in her failing health days she soldiered on and fought the fight against World AIDS. She is a hero in her fight and a role model of using your great advantages and public voice for others who can't shout as loud as you.

Sure her tangled up personal life of marriage swaps, bloated diamonds and an even more bloated Liz kept people snapping up tabloid gossip of Liz, but she'll always be remembered as an actress with great style and an even greater heart.

Lady Gaga Wears Pants!

But not just any old pants. In the Spring 2011 issue of i-D Magazine she's working the high-waisted, wide leg trend I mentioned a bit back. 

Now if Lady No Bottoms found her way into these pants, perhaps the high and wides are gonna make a big wave afterall. 

Here I thought I was the Crankiest Old Queen Today

As I hobble off to work, but Christian Louboutin sure went on a bender of bitchiness when writer Lauren Collins interviewed him for The New Yorker. The French shoe designer with the ubiquitous red soles' "spirited" quotes on comfy, soft and long shoes make him seem like the cattiest Goldilocks I've heard in awhile

“One thing I detest, I have to say, is when a shoe is too soft, and it’s molding to the foot,” Louboutin said. “This is quite disgusting. And I really, really hate incredibly long shoes, where the last is very pointy, almost like Aladdin.”

And the Peewee's Playhouse word of the day to set Mr Louboutin off? Comfortable

“I hate the whole concept of the clog!” Louboutin said. “It’s fake, it’s ugly, and it’s not even comfortable!” He continued, “And I hate the whole concept of comfort! It’s like when people say, ‘Well, we’re not really in love, but we’re in a comfortable relationship.’

Nasty put some clothes on! Look I'm not a fan of this comfort over style concept either, but daddy you sound like you got some anger issues. Careful, my friend don't go gettin' all Galliano on us!



Original Article: http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2011/03/28/110328fa_fact_collins

Why You So Abscess-ed with Me?

Disclaimer: Ok, kids. It's gonna get dirty. If you aren't ready for medical talk of abscesses, click back to the cute picks from Friday of Adam Rodriguez now!

----

Over the weekend a lovely sorta swelling and paining made it a task to walk, sit, bend over or any other basic action verb. I was in misery. Anchoring myself to the couch for an endless stream of Turner Classic Movies was my only numbing agent (well, that and the Percocet)


In the past three days I have daily visited the Concierge Emergency Medical Care on Chambers Street, where they have been draining my abscess and my bank account (Oh the joys of being uninsured... Where is that great medical reform those Tea baggers are so up in arms about?)


The doctors and nurses have been super nice and helped me set me up a payment plan for this massive debt I've incurred. Plus any place that lets me sack the lollipop basket is alright with me. Guess they felt they couldn't deny me a pink lemonade, tangerine and root beer sucker after being lanced and drained.


I'm feeling better today. Everything is kinda back to normal outside of this gauze protective "diaper" I'm wearing. I'm even going back to work tomorrow, sexy limp I've developed and all!

Not entirely sure why I'm sharing this, but it's real. It would have taken much more energy than understandably I can give right now to chat about sun dresses.

If you need an emergency clinic that deals with you quickly, professionally and like a human being: http://emcny.com/

I highly recommend them. Just tell 'em Mac with the abscess sent 'cha!

HauteLook Don't Know Him from Adam

It's cute boy day at "It Can't All Be Dior"!


Ok, is it me or does the Puma under-roos model on HauteLook resemble dreamy best part of "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" Adam Rodriguez?


























Compare and contrast: http://www.hautelook.com/event/pumaunderwear6401mp



Oh and this picture of Mr Rodriguez laughing gives me the vapors